Xi'an--The Ascent Part I: Les Liasons Dangereuses
From: Li Yang, Minister of Provincial State Security, Shaanxi Province
To: Zhang Rui, Director of State Security, BeijingSir, I recently received information from secure sources that an American national, PETER WARD YOUNGBLOOD, while vacationing in the province, made contact with PERSONS OF EXTREME INTEREST and KNOWN THREATS to STATE SECURITY and NATIONAL SOVEREIGNTY.
The PATTERN OF EVENTS are as follows:
9:47 AM--Youngblood left a hotel near the South Gate of the Xi'an Old City Wall with his LOVELY COMPANION, a Chinese National.
10:15 AM--Youngblood and Companion arrive at Xi'an train station. They converse with an tour attendant. The Companion complains that they only wish to see certain TOP CHINESE CULTURAL LANDMARKS, more specifically the TERRACOTTA WARRIORS AND HORSES. They board the tour bus. Observers note that they waited impatiently for the tour to leave.10:49--The tour bus departs. While enroute the tour guide explains the GREAT AND PRAISEWORTHY HISTORY OF XI'AN and SHAANXI. Noteworthy excerpts were about the history of Emperor Qin Shi Huang, FIRST EMPEROR OF UNITED CHINA as well as the dramatic tales of LI SHAN MOUNTAIN, which Youngblood could not understand because his companion could not translate clearly. However, observers agree that when the guide asked the group how long it had taken Jiang Jie Shi (Chiang Kai Shek) to run up the mountain (10 minutes), Youngblood was surprised. Apparently he did not know that Jiang, the LOVED/HATED HERO/ENEMY OF CHINESE DEMOCRACY/SOCIALISM, had once run up this mountain to escape a NOBLE REVOLT by two of his generals who meant to force him to join forces with the GREAT MAO ZE DONG against the IMPERIALIST JAPANESE. Jiang eventually gave up his scheming and made the GREAT PATRIOTIC DECISION to FIGHT TOGETHER HARMONIOUSLY ending 10 years of war and repression.
11:30--Arrival at HUA QING HOT SPRINGS at the base of LI SHAN. Youngblood and Companion take the cable car up with the rest of the group. Upon arrival at the summit, they admire the MAGNIFICENT VISTAS and take pictures.
A Magnificent Vista
11:45--Tour Group begins descent. Youngblood keeps asking where Jiang is. He is unaware that Jiang died in Taiwan PROVINCE in 1975.
12:30--Youngblood and Companion stop at a booth. In they make contact with JIANG JIE SHI. Apparently our intelligence of his passing was in error. A female NATIONALIST soldier produces a uniform (obviously kept hidden until Youngblood's arrival). The meeting is short but his Companion and the NATIONALISTS takes many pictures, obviously for PROPAGANDA PURPOSES. Our operatives mark the location of Jiang's hideout. We attack at 06:00.The Meeting 13:02--The tour departs the area, enroute to the next stop
13:37--Arrival at one of the ONE THOUSAND GREAT JADE FACTORIES OF SHAANXI. Youngblood and Companion express disinterest in the site. Apparently Youngblood had seen another JADE FACTORY outside BEIJING (OF EQUAL OR GREATER MERIT AND INTEREST I am sure, Mr. Director, please infer no offense directed at your province). Our observers last saw Youngblood and Companion arguing with the tour leader. Then they lost contact. Intel from the tour guide revealed that they had abandoned the tour, which they claimed was too slow, and had caught a taxi to see the Bing Ma Yong (TERRACOTTA ARMY OF WARRIORS AND HORSES).
14:20--Contact reestablished at TERRACOTTA ARMY. Targets wander about the TERRACOTTA ARMY COMMERCIAL VILLAGE and enter at 14:40. Apparently they had received advice that viewing the excavation halls in opposite order (2-3-1) was more favorable.
This office must admit, Director, that this suggestion was sound. Our observers remarked that by starting with the largely-unexcavated, largely-ruined halls in #2 gave them a feeling of what the location looked liked mere days after the site was discovered by a WAYWARD BUT PATRIOTIC FARMER digging a well. #3 contained upright and restored warriors guarding what is thought to be an officers mess hall, an preview of what was to come. #1, the main hall astounds viewers with a full army lined up in formation for war. Youngblood seemed very interested in the ongoing work and excavations, and commented about the difficulty of putting all the pieces back together. Apparently he is unaware of our ARCHEOLOGICAL DILIGENCE AND EFFICIENCY. Our observers had difficulty tracking Youngblood as so many of the visitors to the site looked similar.Admiring Culture 16:35--The targets pick up their effects (which regretfully had not been searched) at the entrance of the site, and then proceed to the buses. After some argument and discussion with the drivers, they choose one going to the town of Wei Nan. From what we could ascertain their next destination was Hua Shan mountain.
We attempted to track them on their way, but I admit, Director, navigating my GREAT PROVINCE can be difficult. Shaanxi people are Generous AND HARMONIOUS, but not always best-informed on the MOST EXPEDIENT ways to get places. Thus the bus route involved too many complications for successful following.
22:04--We attempt to intercept them in the town of Hua Yin at the base of Hua Shan, but we were too late: Targets had already begun the ASCENT under cover of darkness.End Report and Leb Wohl.
this is awesome - peter, you're hilarious
ReplyDeleteBest post ever.
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